the killing fields

I still haven’t watched
that movie.

It has never felt
quite right to watch a
movie when I’ve heard
the stories from my
mother’s lips
when I can see them
in my father’s eyes

Something doesn’t feel
right, just doesn’t feel right
about watching it onscreen

I’m afraid, yes, this is
true, I’m afraid of what
I might see, I’m afraid of
the pain, I’m afraid that I
won’t be able to take it,
I’m afraid of facing it

There’s a lump in my
throat that silences me
as my uncles were silenced
as my grandfathers were silenced

It’s just a movie,
but, no

it’s not just a movie,
it’s history; mine, my family’s,
my countries’

Art is never “just” art.

And I’m hiding from this movie,
yes, I’ve been hiding for
a long time now.

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