sometimes i want to kill

it is hard to admit

that in this peace-loving,
love-loving body of mine
there is an anger that
wells up with a blood rage
at the thought of men
who force themselves
upon women

a blood rage that
swells into my eyes
disguised as tears
when I think of that
act of taking, how
much you can break
into another being
and empty
everything
out
of
them

that forces
them to be
empty to survive
the moment

and then
every moment
afterward
is spent learning
to rebuild
some semblance
of trust
of peace
of feeling
safe inside
our own bodies

i want to kill

i thought i wanted
to kill the men themselves
but no, it is not them
i want to kill (i want them
beaten, yes, and i even
imagine my own hands
committing the act)

i want to punish these men
who commit these acts

but i want to kill
all that exists in
this world that makes
that man. all that exists
in this world that
creates that man
i want to kill everything
in this world that creates
that fear that climbs into
my belly unsummoned, unwanted
when i am alone
walking down a street
and there is a man in my path.

sometimes i want to kill
yes

i want to kill
everything that makes us
afraid of each other.

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One thought on “sometimes i want to kill

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