calling: heavens

i can’t listen
it’s so hard to listen

sisters brothers mothers
fathers grandmothers
aunts uncles cousins
daughters sons
friends lovers
all kinds of kin

i know what it is like
to know people who have
gone through this

after the disaster
walls covered with
names, numbers, notes

“we don’t know how to reach you…”
“i am looking for my mother…”
“if you have any news about…”

i know what it is like
to know people who have
gone through this

the terror of knowing
absolutely nothing and
fearing the worst and
feeling helpless

and i can hardly imagine
how it is that i am here
sitting in a car in mild
weather, listening to
the news

realizing that there are
so many people in this
world who know suffering
like i’ve never known

i call upon the heavens
wishing for none of it
to be real

this is a nightmare
surely it is a nightmare

no one is supposed to
hurt so much

and yet there it is
life
death
life
death
life
death

everywhere.

bear it.

it’s there.

don’t ever
pretend it’s not.

i call upon the heavens
and i look at my own hands
wondering what
wondering how

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