procreation

i can hear the
heartbreak in
my mother’s voice
when she repeats
back to me
regretfully
confirmation of
my desire
to never bear
children

it’s been
more than a
decade since
i first made the
declaration
but of course
it’s never been
real to her
until now, as
i stand here
well past the
beginning of my
child-bearing years
and drawing ever
closer to the
end of them

still saying the
same things she
never quite took
seriously

there is a
heartbreak
to knowing
she feels her
journey as
a mother of
a daughter
is incomplete

there is
a particular pain
in seeing the
disappointment in
her eyes as she
holds someone
else’s grandchild

but these are
the things that
we must make
peace with:

that it is
inevitable
that we will
not be
everything
once wished
for us

and there are
things to
celebrate:

that we might
be more
that what
was imagined
possible.

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